Goodbye

April 21, 2010 at 1:01 am (Uncategorized)

Thurday is the last day of the DS106 class and I have learned so much about myself through doing this blog. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders because I have been able to put my feelings out there in the open. I have been extremely busy with work and school these past couple of weeks and I have not been able to go to counseling. Once the semester is over I will start seeing my counselor again. I hope to one day reconnect with my dad and talk about all of the abuse that I went through. I know that will be a long time from now because I am still working on my anger torwards him. I hope that one day my mom and I will be able to hold a real conversation. I always think to myself when did things go wrong? My mom and I use to be so close and now I can’t even speak to her without getting irritated. I wonder if I will ever tell my parents about the sexual abuse that I went through. Will it tear apart my family if they knew? Would they even care? Would they deny it? Would it make them cry knowing that their little girl was touched in innappropriate ways? These are all questions that I want to one day get answered. I don’t know if they ever will be.

I want the people reading this blog to understand that it is ok to admit that you need help. I use to think that by going to counseling and taking medication was saying to myself that I failed. I couldn’t do it on my own. That is not the case at all. I’m going to counseling to make myself a better person and to make sure that I am healthy and happy in the future. I attended a conference recently and the speaker said that a mental illness is almost like a car crash, you never know when it’s going to happen and it will come out of nowhere. Please, don’t be afraid to reach out for help.

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