A normal day

March 10, 2010 at 5:13 pm (Uncategorized)

So for a sense of relief, today is a fairly normal day. I got up, got ready for work and now I’m working on my homeowork. Although at times with my schedule I feel like I take on so much that I have no time to go through my emotions. I’m working full-time and also going to school full-time. On top of that, I am seeing a counselor once a week and I also have a boyfriend that isn’t exactly mentally stable either. In a way I think it’s good that I keep myself so busy because it distracts me from the things that are really bothering me. The bad thing is, when I go to see my counselor and we talk about issues with my family, all of those emotions start rushing back to me at once. It is almost overwhelming to actually have to deal with my own feelings. After my second session with this particular counselor, I had a little bit of a break down. I was lying in bed just thinking about my brothers and what they had done to me in the past. I got this feeling inside of me that no one in the world even cared about me. I got out of bed, got a knife from the kitchen and then went back into my room. I started to rub the blade of the knife against my wrist. I finally put the knife down after a few minutes and just ended up crying myself to sleep. I was disappointed in myself because I have cut myself before and I made a promise that I would never do it again. Although I didn’t end of cutting myself that night, I was seconds away from doing it.

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