Letter to my dad

March 3, 2010 at 3:26 pm (Counseling)

I went to my counselor today and we mostly talked about my family. I told her about how I wanted a better relationship with my dad, whom I haven’t talked to in seven years. She wants me to write a letter to my dad expressing my feelings and why I am so angry with him. She said that I did not have to give it to him, but it would be a good way to get things off of my chest. So here is my letter to my dad:

Dear dad,

It has been seven years since we have talked and you are probably wondering why this is, considering that I never gave you a reason. Throughout my entire childhood I felt as though you never cared. My grandmother told me there was a time when our refrigerator was broken and we weren’t able to keep food in there. Instead of spending money to fix it, you were too busy spending money on the other women that you were dating. You would much rather have your family starve in return for your own hapiness. Maybe if you had been around more, my brothers would never had laid a finger on me. I bet you never even knew that they touched me in inappropriate ways. And yes I do blame you for that because you and mom should have protected me. I think about it everyday and you have no idea how much it has affected my life. Would you even care if I told you what happened to me in the past? I get so angry at times that I just want to run away and start a new life. There were times when I was so down that I thought about killing myself. Why couldn’t you have been there more for me? Why did you let them take my childhood away from me? I have all of this anger built up inside of me and I have no idea what to do with it. You will never truly know how I feel. I am trying so hard to move on with my life, but I so badly want a connection with you because you are still my dad. I just want to feel like for once in my life that you actually care about me, but I don’t know if that will ever happen. I have so many emotions inside of me that I have no idea where to even begin. Maybe this letter will give you a clue as to how I feel and how much you have affected my life. Maybe you won’t even get this letter because I am still really mad at you. Should I even allow you to enter my life again? Even though you think that I have forgotten about you, I haven’t. I hope that one day we can reconnect and have that father-daughter relationship that has been missing for all of these years.

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